Faux Fitness Guru Helps Maximize Body Hair Potential • Instinct Magazine
We’ve all watched high energy, well-intentioned InstaFitness gurus pitch us their best tips on working out and grooming. But sometimes it can get to be a bit much. With that in mind, comedy team Eric Blume and David Morton have brought back faux InstaFit guru “John Smith” to share his best advice when it comes to maximizing your fur potential.
Actor Tom Berklund returns as the titular (and pecs-tastic) John Smith, whose previous fitness tips Instinct covered in Spring 2021 here.
As it’s winter, John Smith – in his very hairy, close-to-naked glory – bares all to help his clients get the most from their ‘fur sweater’ potential. His goal is to make this world a more manicured place. In fact, he recommends using body hair as a well-groomed accessory.
“My Rapunzels, you can also use your body hair to help define your jaw, your pecs, and your abs,” says Smith. “It also helps if you already have a defined jaw, pecs, and abs.” He goes on to show off his satisfied client’s “six pack” look achieved in “less than ten minutes” thanks to some creative trimmer action. “He looks just like Fabio…if all of Fabio’s hair fell out and stuck to his body…in patches.”
When it comes to manscaping the jungle down under, Smith’s advice: “Fellas, stop scaping your man, and start gardening your man. Make your garden grow.” And when it comes to furry behinds, Smith shares, “My butt is rock hard, so I keep it bald, like The Rock.”
Check out the tongue-in-cheek video below (warning – very NSFW):
Of course the humor is the point. Of course the humor is the point. And these three know how to concoct some comedy.
Morton is a writer and comedian, and currently a contributor at The Onion. Blume is a former Comedy Central alum who is prepping to direct his first feature film, the gay high school comedy Advantage. And Berklund has appeared on Broadway (A Chorus LIne, The Addams Family) as well as on TV shows such as Modern Family and Looking, and the upcoming Dead Ringers.
The trio hope “John Smith” can continue to help save the world, one funny, furry, fit body at a time.