Spontaneous sex can feel thrilling, but wellness experts reveal what you *must* do to keep safe in the moment
It’s the friskiest time of the year, and spontaneous sex seems inevitable. After all, the weather’s hot, and libidos are hotter. So what happens when an unexpected intimate moment strikes?
“Spontaneous sex introduces a sense of excitement and novelty by deviating from the usual routine,” says Melissa Stone, a sex and relationships expert for Joy Love Dolls. “Without the constraints of planning or expectation, there is a greater opportunity to act on immediate desires. One of the downsides is the lack of physical and mental preparation.”
That’s not to say you can’t boost your sex drive with some outlining beforehand. (Three cheers for the Type A crowd.)
“Planning sex allows you time to prepare and gives you something to look forward to! It’s like enjoying a mimosa after a long week,” says Fun Factory’s Kristen Tribby. “With a planned session in the calendar, you can choose to shave, select a nice outfit, and make a playlist to create the perfect mood! To take it a step further, you could send the other person sexy pictures or messages throughout the day.” (With consent.)
But how do you make something spontaneous feel sexy and safe?
How to keep safe during spontaneous sex
While there are pros and cons to both approaches, there are a few universal downsides to acting impulsively, so you’ll have to prioritize safety even if a passionate moment arrives out of the blue.
“When it comes to staying safe during unplanned intimate moments, make sure all parties involved are willing and enthusiastic,” says Aliyah Moore, Ph.D., a certified sex therapist. “Discuss boundaries, desires, and necessary precautions beforehand for a consensual and safe experience.”
Here are a few other helpful hints, straight from the sexperts.
Melissa Stone is a sex and relationships expert for the brand Joy Love Dolls, which is “a cultural force in sex-positivity and self-love, empowering people to embrace their sexuality and enjoy physical and emotional intimacy on their terms.”
Kristen Tribby is a certified sex educator and has been leading workshops on sex toys for over 15 years. She is passionate about contributing to the adult industry’s evolving role in creating more space for sex-positive exploration and providing easier access to proper sex education. She specializes in sex toys, kink, pegging and more and has been featured in Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Ask Men and Giddy and has been on several TV shows including Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Nightline, Penn and Teller and Our America with Lisa Ling.
Aliyah Moore is a certified sex therapist, the resident Sexpert at Sexual Alpha, a relationship expert and a proud Black bi-sexual femme who is passionate about empowering minority voices and the LGBTQ+ community to embrace their sexuality and identity. You can find her work on Refinery29, Scary Mommy, Mindbodygreen and more.
1. Carry supplies
Contraception is a necessity for helping to prevent pregnancies and reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections, but they need to be readily available.
“A suggestion would be to carry contraception such as condoms with you so that when you find yourself in an unplanned initiated moment, you can continue safely,” Stone says.
Whatever method works well for you—condoms, birth control pills, or perhaps a combination of the two—keep an area of your purse devoted to those non-negotiable items.
2. Think of Plan B (literally)
Should you need, locate a nearby pharmacy or another medical facility that could provide care if your contraception fails.
“In situations where unprotected sex or contraceptive failure occurs, access to emergency contraception, such as the morning-after pill, can be considered to help prevent pregnancy,” Moore notes.
3. Be aware of your surroundings
Sex in pools isn’t going to be a go for some couples.
“Personal safety should also be prioritized, taking into account the location and environment,” Moore says. “If uncertainty or discomfort arises in the situation or surroundings, trusting one’s instincts and prioritizing personal well-being is crucial.”
Some couples can do without the thrill of potentially having an audience.
“While the risk of being caught may excite some individuals, it can fill others with pure terror,” Tribby notes. “Even the sound of distant footsteps may fill them with anxiety.”
4. Assess comfort levels
“Lastly, assess emotional readiness and comfort levels before engaging in unplanned intimate moments,” Moore recommends. “Respecting personal boundaries and making choices that align with emotional needs are integral to a healthy and satisfying sexual experience.”
5. Keep up after your encounter
“Regular STI testing and practicing safe sex consistently, including using condoms and getting vaccinated, if applicable, are important preventive measures for STI transmission,” Moore adds.
If you feel you require medical attention, consult your doctor, and have a look at our list of what gynecologists want you to know.
